Sliced Bread 2: The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread

Very weird conversation today. I was typing the daily supervillain updates into the database when Bob came in.

"Greyghost around?"

"Nope. I think he's at home painting."

"Right, right. Do you have a minute?"

"Well, I'm--"

"Good. Here's the thing. How would you like to work for me?"

Now what? "I don't know, Bob," I said. "The job I have now takes up a lot of my time--"

"I know, asshole. That's the idea. You quit this job and work for me instead. You know, 'instead'."

I pushed my keyboard back. "Doing what?"

"Pretty much what you're doing now. Except you'd have better hours, a window somewhere in the room and you wouldn't have to feed any fish."

I thought about it. Something about the idea didn't sit right with me. "I don't know..."

"Probably more money, too."

"Can I say no without pissing you off?"

He sat down on one of the desks. "Why the hell would you?"

In the time it took us to say that much I had thought of two good reasons. "First. Your headquarters has been blown up five times in the past three years."

"Yeah, but that's--"

"Second. Greyghost can pay me because he's rich. He has steady money. You can pay me because you have sponsorships and crap that fluctuate depending on how popular you are at the moment. Not steady money."

He paused, and sighed. "Those aren't the real reasons."

"Don't sit on my desk and analyze me, okay? And if you say I'm staying here out of loyalty to Greyghost I'll break your nose. I will. I'll wing you with this stapler right here."

"Not because of Greyghost. Although I bet that's part of it. I think it's because of how much hard work it is and how crappy the hours and working conditions are."

"Huh?"

"If you quit this job it'll be like you wimped out. If it ever becomes easy for you, then maybe you'll quit. You're too competitive. You can't quit this job until you've kicked its ass."

"I wasn't planning on quitting anyway. And, you're calling me competitive? Oh, and if you already knew I wouldn't go for it, why'd you ask me?"

"Hey, Dennis, I saw you playing that video game. I've fought enough whacked-out supervillains that I know every type of competitiveness there is, and you've got some." He stood up. "And I asked you because I want you to take the job. Let me know if you change your mind."

And he left.