Sliced Bread 2: The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread

When I woke up this afternoon Ron was sitting on the other couch eating breakfast. "Hey," I said.

"Hey."

I sat up. "Haven't seen you in a while."

"Yeah. Were you away the other weekend?"

"Yeah, I had to take a trip for work. You haven't been around here much either. Anything up?"

He chewed another handful of pretzels. "I've been spending a lot of time at Linnet's. I have been here a bit, though. Cleaned up a little."

I looked around. "Can't say I noticed."

Ron nodded. "It's very subtle."

"Who's Linnet?"

"Uh . . . my girlfriend? For the last month?"

"Oh, Jesus, I'm sorry. How do I not know that?"

He shrugged. "'Cause we never see each other. Don't worry about it."

"Well, congratulations. What else have I missed?"

"I won two hundred bucks in the lottery last week."

"Cool!"

"Um . . . my sister got her own sitcom on Fox for next fall. The restaurant got raided by the health department. My mom won the Nobel Prize for laundry."

"Sounds like a big couple of weeks."

"Well, I haven't told you the biggest news yet." He looked down modestly and spread his hands protectively over his gut. "I was late this month. I think I'm . . . expecting."

"That's great! Who's the mother?"

He turned his head away, embarrassed. "I'd have to count back. I haven't narrowed it down yet."

"You must feel really fulfilled."

"Kinda. Hey, you want to catch a movie tonight?"

"Sorry. Working. But let me know if you need someone to go to childbirth classes with."

"Cool."