Sliced Bread 2: The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread

I did something bad tonight. I'm not sorry, though; I'm actually kind of proud of myself.

The Pioneers were in town to play the Emperors, and Cruickshank scored me some really good tickets - right on the right-field line.

In the eighth inning, the Emps were down 5-4 but were rallying off McKittredge. With two out and a guy on first, Zynzmeister laced one over first base, down the line. That was gonna produce the tying run, no question. And I knew what I had to do.

I reached out and speared the ball before Garcia could get to it, and held it up, grinning, like I'd done something cool. The runners were sent back to second and third, the fans booed like crazy and threw things at me, and security escorted me from the ballpark. (Bad call by the umpire, by the way; the guy on first should have scored and Zynzmeister probably could have made it to third. But most umps will make that call that way.)

A couple of reporters stopped me on the way out to ask me what the hell I'd been thinking. I gave my name as Sam Billabong, told them I was a Pioneers fan, that I hoped the Pioneers won this game, and that if the Emps finished one game out of first this year I'd laugh my ass off.

By the time I got back here the game was over. The Pie were victorious, 5-4. And the radio call-in shows were full of much hatred towards the idiot fan who had cost the Emps a win. Ha ha!

I hope the TV cameras didn't get a good shot of my face.