Sliced Bread 2: The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread

Today was Ingrid's graduation. She's finished her Ph.D. in English literature and this afternoon Empire City University gave her a piece of paper that says so. It was a really nice day, too.

I got there a little early and wandered around the campus for a while before going into the big tent where they had the ceremony. It was a lot classier than the little crapcan State U that excreted me and my little science degree back in the day. I would have enjoyed going to school here. Only problems: money (not enough) and marks (not high enough). Not that it's the first time I've seen the place; I've picked Ingrid up and dropped her off here more times than it's interesting to count.

The idea was I'd meet up with Ingrid and Greyghost and her family after the ceremony and we'd go out and have some dinner. Fine, but that meant I was sitting next to families I didn't know, and your average graduation ceremony isn't really that interesting and it would have been nice to have someone to talk to.

The speaker was, according to the little programme I've got, Arabella Craye, who is "an avant-garde novelist, three times nominated for the Nystul award." Check. Her speech was mostly to the effect that the future's so bright we've gotta wear shades. Then they issued the degrees, and Ingrid got hers, and that was great.

Afterwards I just sort of hung out while Ingrid had a bunch of pictures taken with her friends Opal and Smart Annabel and Beautiful Sylvia. Then that group broke up to be with their families, and Ingrid skipped over to us, me and her family. Well, not her whole family; just her parents and one of her brothers and two of her sisters and one of their husbands. Most of them couldn't make it to Empire City.

Ingrid introduced me to them, and then took me aside for a minute. "Where is he?!" she hissed.

"Who?"

She punched me in the arm. "Victor! Who do you think? This is just like him!"

"I don't know where he is," I said. (Since then I've found out that he was on a hijacked train, fighting Suzie Lightning. Why anybody would want to hijack a train is another question.)

"He knew how important this was to me. He knew. I just wanted him to show up for one thing, this one thing, once. But no."

"Stop hitting me," I said.

"Well, this is it. It's over. Gimme your cellphone. I'm gonna tell him--No. You tell him. He thinks it's okay to not show up and just send you? Then--"

"Hey! He didn't send me. It's your graduation, of course I--"

"All right, all right, shut up, I know. It's how he thinks. If he can't be bothered to show up for his girlfriend's graduation, it's still okay as long as his flunky is there. Dial him up. No, wait."

"Look, if you--"

"No. I've had way past enough. It's over. Call him up and tell him we're through, that I'm not going to see him again, that he should leave all my stuff in a box on the porch. Tell him he screwed up big time and I'm not putting up with it any more. Now repeat that back to me."

"Ingrid says you guys are through, you're not going to see her again, leave all her stuff in a box on the porch, you screwed up big time and she's not putting up with it any more."

"Dial him up," she said. "Then we'll all go out to eat, because this is my goddamn day of maximum freaking triumph and I intend to have a good time."

And we did.