Sliced Bread 2: The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread

"Let me get this right," Cassie said. "You've been working for a superhero since whenever, a year and a half, almost, and you still don't know what his superpowers are."

"It never came up," I said.

"Come on," she told me. "Isn't it your job to know? Don't you think it'd be useful to know? Why not just ask him?"

"Well... you know how he is. I was afraid it was a sensitive topic for him. I thought it might be a really personal question."

"You're so funny," she said. "I can't believe this."

"I know he's got some kind of a thing with darkness."

"Good, Dennis. That's good."

"I know your powers."

"I know you do."

Pause.

"So are you ever going to ask him about it?" she said.

"I probably should. Of course, it'd be easier if you just told me."

"Uh huh. Okay, well, first, Greyghost can see everlastingly well in the dark."

"Right. I pretty much knew that. What about the voice? Is that a superpower?"

"No. Also, if he's in the dark he's... he's kind of less real. He moves faster and more quietly, and he can fit through smaller spaces, but he's also stronger. I mean, even stronger and faster than he is normally, which is a lot."

"Okay," I said. "That makes sense."

"And he can tell when someone's lying."

Guh. "He what?"

"He can tell if you're lying. Anytime anyone says something around him that they know isn't true, he picks up on it. Why do you think they had him interview me before they let me into SPIA?"

"Oh, my God." I must have lied to him hundreds of times. Oh, man. The other day, when I didn't want to come right out and ask him if he had heard about the Dark Lord back in the Generic Fantasy World. The time I spilled ketchup into the costume kit. All those times I 'forgot' to pass along messages from Cruickshank.

"You're turning white," Cassie said. "This is hilarious."

"Shut up. It's not funny." And the poker games! Goddamnit, no wonder I could never bluff him! Jesus H. Pokemon in a bathtub! "I said stop laughing."

"Sorry, sorry..."

I don't know how I'm going to be able to go into work tomorrow.